Evening Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's leading comedians spent their evening mocking former President Donald Trump's recently launched immigration program, dubbed the "golden visa," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access system for the affluent.

Colbert's Pointed Spin

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday jingle targeting the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... spoils all he handles."

The subject was the new program which allows foreign citizens to buy U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for $5 million. The program's website pledges approval "in record time."

"A brief note here to affluent immigrants: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the scheme is also meant to "get cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, requiring significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your selection – provided that it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The best background check the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will let wealthy foreigners to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"It might be time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval numbers amid economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a effort to tackle prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of food items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative media coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.