Those Phrases from My Parent That Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a wider reluctance to talk among men, who still internalise negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a sign of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to ask for a respite - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - looking after you is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."